- If your partner is a soldier who desires to take you to the altar soon, then this article was written for you
- Marrying a soldier could increase your prestige in the eyes of people, but at the same time, there are some downsides you need to know
- A Nigerian soldier, in a chat with THETALK.NG, said he could count how many times he saw his lover this year
While a military wedding seems like a dream come true due to its glamorous nature, it requires a strong mind to enjoy a long-lasting military marriage.
From deployment to fear and the anxiety that comes with it, THETALK.NG explores the relationship life of soldiers and why you need to think deeply before saying yes.
Things to know before saying yes to a soldier
Photo credit: Inti St Clair, skynesher/Getty Images.
Depicted persons have no relationship with the story. Photos used for illustration only.Source: Getty Images
1. Soldier’s oath of allegiance, loyalty, and impact on relationship life
Are you ready to be a second fiddle?
Being in the military requires a total commitment, and soldiers are trained with high discipline and loyalty to their jobs.
They are mandated to give unflinching allegiance and obedience to the lawful orders of their superior commanders.
Before thinking about getting married to you, they are already married to the military, and you will always play the role of a second fiddle.
Your soldier partner will consistently do what his job requires and go wherever they want him to, regardless of what you want.
If you are a person who always wants your desires to be satisfied by your partner, then you need to have a rethink.
2. Unavailability, deployment and distance barriers in military relationship
Can you cope with being alone and not hearing from your partner?
Maintaining an amazing relationship with the frequent deployments and relocation that soldiers go through is not easy.
They are always on the move, and it takes a strong woman to be with a man whose availability is usually unpredictable.
A relationship is about connecting with your lover and sharing physical and emotional bonds, one of which would be almost completely missing for months, which affects emotional intimacy.
Your partner could be off for months and years on a compulsory assignment he cannot say no to. He may return for only a few days before being sent out again.
This can be a lonely life. If you have kids, you will majorly raise them by yourself as their father’s primary duty is to serve his country.
Your husband will likely be away when your babies are born, leaving you to bear labour pain alone and missing those important first hours of bonding.
Being away from your partner for months or years and assuming the role of a single parent, trying to balance a career while moving so often, all of these realities of military life can take their toll, and you need to be sure you can handle it.
If you are not ready to pay a huge sacrifice of commitment, put your life on hold and even live as a single person, then a military relationship is not for you.
3. Fear, anxiety and depression often abound in military relationships
Research confirms that military wives are at higher risk for depression and poor mental health due to the nature of their partner’s military career.
This is usually caused by the consistent feeling of disconnection from the spouse during deployment and the challenges of navigating military family life.
Also, as a soldier’s partner, you will find yourself dreading that call or knock on the door to inform you that your husband was seriously injured or killed.
It could be the news that your husband has been confined in a wheelchair, blind from a bullet, or speaking in a halting, brain-damaged, distracted voice.
A few years ago, a married soldier, Michael Trask of Olalla, Washington, died from severe injuries he suffered during ‘live fire’ training.
He gave up the ghost at a hospital in Savannah after being in critical condition following a severe injury sustained during a training exercise with live ammunition.
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The persistent fear of knowing that your partner, who is on active duty, may not be safe whenever he is can take a toll on mental health.
All of these can be tiring and are only the tip of the iceberg of what many spouses experience in military relationships.
If you’re a person who worries too much and requires lots of pampering all the time from your partner, it probably won’t work.
4. High level of trust is required in military relationships
The mind can be deceitful, and the constant unavailability of your military partner might bring negative thoughts to your head about his loyalty to the relationship.
Unless your relationship is solid and you do not have trust issues due to the constant distance barrier, then it probably won’t work.
They can be away from home for long periods, and you find yourself wondering who’s keeping them company.
You have to feel secure as a team or it will eat you both. No relationship survives for a long time without trust. It will fall apart.
5. Identify and assess your major attraction to your military partner
If it was just his physique that attracted you to him, then you need to have a rethink.
The military somehow transforms men into eye-catching gallant officers with good physical shape and overwhelming confidence and aura.
It is hard not to be swept away by that trim athletic body, but remember, marriage is a forever thing.
His body stature or voice won’t last forever. If you do decide to marry a soldier, and that’s the only reason you have, then hormones are likely taking over your brain.
Some women rush into military marriages without first considering the challenges that come with it, and that’s where the problem lies.
Considering that you have the chance to enjoy a relationship with a person who is always present with you emotionally and physically to go on dates, share childcare, household duties and experiences in life that make life meaningful, would you still prefer to choose someone absent for most important things in life?
Only you can answer that question.
If your response is in the affirmative, then you have probably assessed all the challenges that may arise and you believe you are up to the task.
“Marrying a soldier is for strong women, it’s been long I saw my girlfriend” – Nigerian soldier
Speaking to THETALK.NG‘s Shalom Ankrah, a soldier who pleaded anonymity, reiterated that marrying a soldier is not a task for the feeble-minded.
Buttressing his point, the soldier said it has been a while since he got to see his girlfriend due to his job.
In his words:
“I always say for a woman to marry a soldier ehh, that woman cannot be ordinary oooo. No be small work o. She go get strong mind. No shaking. We can’t just marry anyhow.
“We need person wey understand us. If not, na to fight everyday everyday. It has been long I saw my girlfriend last. On her birthday, I couldn’t even celebrate her cause I was on an assignment. But she knows it’s not my fault. We talk on phone and when we get to see again, it’s all love.”
Female soldier gets married in grand style
Meanwhile, THETALK.NG previously reported that it is not every day one sees the wedding of a military officer. Whenever it happens, it is always a show to behold.
The video of a Nigerian female soldier getting married has got people talking about how a military wedding could be such a sweet occasion.
During the ceremony, men of the force brought their band crew as they ushered the event with their basses and trumpets. At a point, co-female soldiers did a parade and marched to the bride dressed in her regalia. They presented a sword to her as a mark of honour.